Sunday 9 November 2008

Princess Bugaya Does Bond Street (NaBloPoMo #9)

Princess Bugaya is buying all her own presents from her husband this year. She’s going to stuff her Christmas stocking full of sparkly things and put very large, very expensive and utterly impractical presents under the tree with her name on them with love and kisses from him. Why? Because, like mine, her Kabaka buys her things like electric can openers and mini drills and silver-plated rolling pins and stuff. She’s been married to this miserly monarch for years and is just thoroughly fed up to the back teeth with PRACTICAL.

My own particular Liege loves practical too. Why he married me, of all people, I shall never know. Maybe he longed to convert me to practical. Perhaps he saw it as his mission in life. So far, he’s failed rather dismally.

I think the worst present I ever got from him (and there have been many) was when he returned from a business trip to Namibia.

We all know that the streets of Windhoek are paved with diamonds. Even the dunes are littered with the little shiny things. The loos flush diamonds. While he was away, I spend an inordinate amount of time gazing at my left hand, thinking how marvellous it would look with a big rock on one finger. I even went for a manicure – something I’d never done in my entire life thus far.

When he walked in the door, I flew at him and kissed him enthusiastically. “Well?” I said, cocking my head to one side, hoping I looked coquettish. Opening his briefcase with a flourish, he presented me with a brown paper bag. I giggled like a schoolgirl. “Oh darling,” I squealed. “You’re so silly!” Clever chap, disguising something so beautiful and glittery in a grotty old brown bag. I opened it, trembling with anticipation, and peered inside for the little velvet box that would contain my treasure. I still feel weak reliving this moment. There it was, all curled up like a big, fat snake. He had brought me………


What was your worst present? Share it here and you could win a limited edition, signed and matted print of Princess Bugaya!


steve said...

Very cool piece here, and unfortunate worst gift! Hmmmm, let me see. for me it would have been a used box of girly mags from a friend who thought it would make a funny gift, though he claims they were used only for drawing from, haha!

Exmoorjane said...

OK, was feeling really REALLY rubbish (yet another night of broken sleep) and clicked here and the inthinkable has happened. I laughed. Out loud. In fact am still giggling at that sausage. My husband would have done precisely the same thing - in fact he has brought me back many a sausage from his travels. Even more hurtful though, I think, was the bottle of some arcane German beer so absolutely foul even he winced when he tasted it.
'But it's a really rare rauschbeer (sp?), darling....'
Er, I don't drink beer.
'But it's really rare'. He, of course, does drink beer. Hmm.
The other real let-down was when I opened the bag and saw the Prada wrapping and got all excited.
'I didn't know perfume was so cheap or I'd have bought it for you before,' he said.
Perfume? Not even Eau de Toilette? Yes sirree. Punching the air. Except, no siree, it was deodorant.

Thanks for your lovely comments on I'm off to trawl more Princess Bugaya...I like her lots.